Art House Cinema on the SyFy Channel

We are truly living in a Television Renaissance. There are so many genuinely good TV shows on air these days it's almost impossible to keep up. But not for a T.V-watching virtuoso like myself. People will point to great shows like The Office, Mad Men, or The Hills as programs that demand more from the modern day viewer.

But I feel like even better material, truly provocative work, has been overlooked. I'm speaking, of course, about the endless slew of original movies on the SyFy channel. The SyFy Channel has achieved something special. A niche of TV movies so fantastic it's almost unbelievable. Every one is better than the last. Actually, I take that back. MegaSnake is clearly better than Rock Monster. But each is truly unique, in title if not plot, and the SyFy channel shows at least six a day.

Since this trend of movies has taken ahold of the SyFy Channel, my T.V. has a become playground of childhood fantasies. Secret agents fighting minotaurs, park rangers blasting mutant snakeheads, and even a movie simply called "Ogre." Now I could dedicate an entire blog to these films alone, but I would be doing America and the Internet a disservice. So I will limit of reviews of these fine films to those that are truly striking and/or brilliant. Stay tuned for my review of Bird Flu Horror.

Reba McEntire and All That is Right with the World

On Reba, Reba McEntire plays Reba Hart, a sassy and undeniably sexy divorcee from the suburbs of Houston, Texas. Her dentist/husband (Brock) knocks up some hussy, and Reba leaves him. Meanwhile, Reba's daughter (Cheyanne) is simultaneously jazzed up by the quarterback of the football team (Van). Van's parents throw him out for sticking with the baby, so he moves in with Reba and Cheyanne. He likes to drink milk straight out of the carton. Now things get crazy. Brock's lover, Barbara Jean, decides to make amends for their adulterous behavior by hanging out at Reba's house all the time. As you can imagine, Reba and Barbara Jean are prone to the occasional fit of shenanigans.

That, in a nutshell, is the premise of Reba McEntire's show, which has since been cancelled. Re-runs can be found on weekdays on Peachtree TV. You're probably asking yourself: "How can such a dynamic piece of drama be relegated to daytime re-runs?" The answer is: I have no idea. From my humble perspective, any show containing illicit pregnancies and Reba McEntire should last at least six seasons. Don't worry, it did. But I meander.

Today on Reba, Van and Cheyanne wake up to an ominous banging in the middle of the night. Suspecting a burglar, Reba, Van, and Cheyanne go downstairs to investigate. There is no burglar, but it does raise an important question: Why are you still reading this? Reba decides to take self-defense classes with Cheyanne, while Van and Brock set up an alarm system. Needless to say, hilarity ensues.

All in all, I felt Reba was a little lacking. The writing was incendiary, but the costume design seemed a little unbelievable. The show takes place in Texas, and I didn't see one pair of cowboy boots. But that, you see, is my gift and my curse. Because I have such a natural talent for watching TV, it is sometimes difficult for me to suspend my disbelief. Overall, Reba is a worthy addition to the canon of America television. Who knows? Maybe they'll make a feature film someday, where Reba asks Barbara Jean to be her surrogate. Now that's a spicy meatball!

A Time For Drastic Measure

I have always been a firm believer that everyone has a calling. We all have a knack for something. The onus is upon us to seek it out, and bend it to our will. Where would we be if Charles Lindbergh had not followed his dreams and set foot on the Moon? Probably painting Babushka dolls and swilling Borsch in some Red Communist gulag, that's where. And so, in honor of Captain Lindbergh and the Apollo 11, I have decided to pursue a calling of my own. Over many years (24), I discovered that I have propensity for a precious few things. One of them is eating, which I think is an equal two-parts important and delicious. I am also good at noticing things. If something big is happening, there's a perfectly good chance I won't miss it. But if there is one thing at which I am truly exceptional, it's watching television. I excel at watching T.V. in nearly every category. My stamina is measureless, my posture recumbent. I can watch just about anything. I have seen more episodes of "Living Single" than its star-studded cast.

I always knew I had something special inside of me, but I was too blind to see my calling dancing before my eyes. And so I have decided to embark on a mammoth undertaking; a grand, life-changing odyssey. I must embark upon an epic journey across the vast expanse of America's T.V. landscape. I will leave no stone unturned. Tune in for my first entry entitled Reba McEntire: Sassy Siren, Comic Genius.